I’m tired of the pitiful looks. The drab people who swarm around me. The people who fail not to let you down time and time again. The wistful looks after people with the faint echo that was once “I’m here for you”. Where is the positivity and light in life? People constantly asking about your friends, and to what end? When you have no answer other than “few and far between”. But they don’t get it. They think you’re being dramatic. But this is your life now. The over exaggerations are not exaggerations. They’re the cold hard truth. “Friends are overrated” you’re told firmly by the father. “Things will change” an acquaintance flings at you, not batting their eyes twice. How is everyone so damn sure? These things keep you up at night. There’s nowhere to hide then. Your mind is full of buzzing and excitement, but not the good kind. It’s a new kind. The sort that fills your head endlessly with unceasing doubts and speculations. The one person you think you can turn to is not there. They’re having fun with their friends. They’re making memories with other people. They’re have variety in their life. For not everyone is in your position. Being clingy is the worst thing, but how else can you be when someone finally shows you love and attention? If only for a brief moment. Then it’s out of reach, the faint whispers still on the tips of your fingers. Your breath catching with the last words you exchanged. Did they really mean that they’d miss you? How can you know? The longing for the deep connection and the simple phone calls that never come anymore. There used to be the people you could rely on. But they don’t care whether you draw your next breath or not. You’re more than irrelevant in their eyes now. Ironically, it happens when they find out that you almost ceased to exist. It doesn’t get better. They’ve been monotonously repeating that phrase for years now. How long does one have to wait? What is it you have to do to be worthy of happiness? All the worse sorts of people seem to get it.

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